,I’ve been sick for the past week with a cold and it definitely has dulled my sparkle a bit. I pull out of it a little bit every day, but wow, am I sick of being sick at this point. I did not going to chemo today with my mom – they don’t want sick people in the chemo ward getting the people on chemo sick because their white blood cell count gets knocked out by the chemo and they have a harder time recuperating from illness than the rest of us do with all of our white bloods cells still intact to fight infections. And I should probably sit outside at my parents tomorrow for out 4th of July BBQ so I don’t bring my germs in the house. Bleh. Being sick is no fun at all!
However, today I was having fun browsing through sparkler/firework photos on free stock photo sites online. One really about summed up what I feel like today. A hand lifting out of the water with a sparkler in it. Yeah. That’s me. Can’t breathe real well right now through my stuffed up nose so I feel like I’m underwater, but tomorrow’s a holiday, so sparkle on people, sparkle on!
That moment you hear bad news. The feeling of dread settling over you. You hold your breath – not daring to breathe or your whole world will fall apart.
We heard the terrible news last week that my mom’s cancer in her lungs was stage 4 cancer and what we were told were small spots on her lungs were actually, in reality, 2 cm in diameter. She was told she had 1-2 years to live. Perhaps 3-4 because she was really healthy before the cancer hit. She has a rare and aggressive type of cancer – leiomyosarcoma – that chemo won’t kill. Only slow down and prolong her life.
A friend from Australia probably said it best when I told her the news – ‘You must all be reeling.’ Reeling. Yes. Spinning out of control. Finding out my mom now has a death sentence on her head. Trying to stop crying. To put on my big girl panties and start dealing with the reality of what’s going on.
Last Friday, I took my mom to get the port installed for her chemo treatments. This song by Johnny Diaz came on the radio when we left her house – Breathe– reminding me to take a deep breath and deal with what’s going on in today. Don’t worry about tomorrow …just breathe.
Later that night when we left the hospital it was playing as well:
Come and rest
At my feet
But all you really need
Is to just breathe.
*Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers as we are going through this. Today is my mom’s biopsy to confirm what the cat scan has already told us about her cancer before her chemo treatments begin.