Maybe it’s okay if I’m not okay

I’ll be honest with you: I have not been okay at every moment this week. Sometimes, the newest news on my moms cancer leaves us reeling. The last news we got was that kind of news. Not good. The tumor on her ilium bone is about the size of a small tennis ball and was described by her doctor as looking like it was ‘bursting out of her bone’. She’s in a lot of pain and has started radiation treatment just for that spot. So far she’s reported it feels worse since she started radiation than before she began. Hopefully this changes as they start shrinking it down. Keep her in your prayers. Pray the trial drug gets approved through a patient assistance program so they can afford it. Pray for a miracle. There is no cure for this kind of cancer. Just a trial drug that buys time.

So, suffice it to say, I haven’t been totally okay. I couldn’t smile my way through this photo shoot last weekend, even though some smiles were caught. And that’s okay. Sometimes, it’s okay to not be okay.

I’ve been playing this song over and over: Maybe It’s Ok by We are Messengers.

Maybe it’s ok if I’m not ok
‘Cause the One who holds the world is holding onto me
Maybe it’s all right if I’m not all right
‘Cause the One who holds the stars is holding my whole life

Brown 3/4 sleeve blazer, Ross, zebra print skirt, gifted to me, similar here, brown OTK boots, Shop Girl Consignment, Kate Spade New York handbag, gifted to me, bronze earrings, Kohl’s, floral statement necklace, gifted to me, brown metallic watch, Ross

Let’s talk about this skirt, though. Zebra print. So cute! Loving the zebra print fad. I paired it with a chocolate brown blazer I got at Ross a few years ago, chocolate brown OTK boots I found at a consignment shop in Gresham last fall, bronze jewelry and a bright pink Kate Spade handbag gifted to me a couple of years ago, which adds a nice pop of color as well.

As always, thank you for stopping by and thank you for any prayers for my mom.

*This post contains affiliate links. If you click through on them, I may receive a small drop of money, at no extra cost to you. Enough to keep a light bulb burning in my home. Thank you in advance for helping keep a light on in my home!

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~ All photos were taken by Calvin Hodgson.  You can find his work on Flickr and on his blog.

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Snowpocalypse

I said I was going to post photos of Snowpocalypse, so here I am doing it. A week later, and only from the first day of the snow storm, (I never ventured out in snowpocalypse again to take photos after that.) But hey, I’m still doing it. Good things take time, right? Time to crop, edit, turn into a black and white photo on some, yada, yada. Here are the photos:

 

A pop of color in the snow

 

So, basically, in Oregon, we call it a Snowpocalypse or a Snowmagedon when we get a few inches of snow. We know all of you up north of us or in colder states are laughing because when you get a blizzard you get a few more feet of snow, not inches. And it stays all winter. Yeah. I know. I grew up in Michigan during my elementary school days. Schools and businesses never shut down for a few inches of snow or they’d be closed all winter.

 

Ferns in the snow

 

But in Oregon, we don’t get a lot of snow and our city is not prepared to deal with it i.e., not enough bulldozers, sand, salt, de-icer, ect. to cover the whole city, so roads get slick and icy pretty quick and nobody wants to go out driving in it because you may end up doing circles in the road. I know. I did a half circle on the road last weekend.

 

Narnia? Oh where art thou, Narnia?

 

People were running to the stores this time last week trying to stock up on groceries. I went to the library to stock up on books. And got a few random items at the Discounts Only store in Gresham. That was it. I had enough food to last me several days. Why run to the store and get more when I didn’t need to? Sheesh, people! Get with it already! The big joke was that the Portland area stores ran out of kale in everyone’s mad dash to get groceries. In truth, stores ran out of a whole lot of everything last Friday. Nothing like mass panic to boost all the grocery stores sales for a day!

 

No apples on the apple tree Mail, anyone?

Beauty, shining through. Peeking through to a winter wonderland Twinnin' 'Happiness can be found even in the darkest times if one only remembers to turn on the light' Black and white and snowy all over

 

Then, the rains came in and washed away the snow Sunday night. Just in time for my mom to start her radiation treatments up at OHSU.

Her cancer got worse so she got taken off the trial program she was on and is doing radiation because one of the spots in her lungs is as big as a small egg now. Time to bring in the big guns!

The interesting news was that, up until this past summer, she had been beating back her cancer as one of her doctor’s top patients in the trial program. Only to find out she’d been doing it all on a placebo drug and many, many prayers when her doctor finally checked at the time he had to take her off of the trial program to get her into radiation. Wow. Keep praying. For her and for the family as we are all trying to get through this awful thing called cancer.

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