I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

I haven’t been on here much. All I can say is “I can really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now…”

I hold in my hand a wish. A tiny spark of hope.

I hold in my hand a wish. A tiny spark of hope. Hope for the future. Hope for life. Hope of things to come.

A miracle, new hope. It feels like God’s grace is running out for my mom. Where is the grace I felt God telling me about way back when I wrote the blog post What’s Grace got to do With it? Really, who am I to talk? I am not God. But I am me, and that’s what it feels like. We pray for a miracle, knowing it may not be granted. Knowing many before my mom have succumbed to the awful disease called cancer with nary a miracle in sight. Yet I pray every day for one, knowing my answer may be ‘No.’

My mom took a turn for the worse after getting on the new trial drug she had been getting a placebo of during her two years in the trial program at OHSU. The trial drug caused excruciating pain in her stomach and a loss of appetite. She was in the hospital twice in less than a week. Now she is home in hospice care and was taken off the trial drug. Her stomach pain has subsided and her appetite is very slowly coming back. She’s mostly eating soft food or liquid.

To those who have thought to send gift of fruit baskets, Omaha Steaks, Freshly or Instacart so my dad can get groceries delivered to his door or who brought home cooked meals or goodies. Many thanks to you. A special thanks to the writer of the note on one saying “Mary, eat!” When I read that to my mom. She smiled and decided to try eating a slice of apple. Thank you for being God’s hands extended to my parents during this tough time. For any who stopped by their house, thank you for helping lift her spirits. Thank you also for any and all prayers sent out way right now.

It doesn’t feel like Christmas around here. Mostly we stopped shopping for Christmas when things took a turn for the worst for my mom. But I honestly feel like we have Christmas all wrong. It’s not supposed to be about commercialism at it’s finest. It’s about God sending his gift to us – baby Jesus in manager.

I think Charles Schulz got it right with Linus’s speech in a Charlie Brown Christmas:

Linus Van Pelt“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, ‘Fear not:
“for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.’ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'”
That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.’

So, at the risk of sounding like my Christmas spirit person (animal?), The Grinch. I leave you with this:

And on earth peace, good will towards men…

*Photos taken by me on a trip last month to Edgefield, mcmenamins in Troutdale, OR

Please follow and like:

Maybe it’s okay if I’m not okay

I’ll be honest with you: I have not been okay at every moment this week. Sometimes, the newest news on my moms cancer leaves us reeling. The last news we got was that kind of news. Not good. The tumor on her ilium bone is about the size of a small tennis ball and was described by her doctor as looking like it was ‘bursting out of her bone’. She’s in a lot of pain and has started radiation treatment just for that spot. So far she’s reported it feels worse since she started radiation than before she began. Hopefully this changes as they start shrinking it down. Keep her in your prayers. Pray the trial drug gets approved through a patient assistance program so they can afford it. Pray for a miracle. There is no cure for this kind of cancer. Just a trial drug that buys time.

So, suffice it to say, I haven’t been totally okay. I couldn’t smile my way through this photo shoot last weekend, even though some smiles were caught. And that’s okay. Sometimes, it’s okay to not be okay.

I’ve been playing this song over and over: Maybe It’s Ok by We are Messengers.

Maybe it’s ok if I’m not ok
‘Cause the One who holds the world is holding onto me
Maybe it’s all right if I’m not all right
‘Cause the One who holds the stars is holding my whole life

Brown 3/4 sleeve blazer, Ross, zebra print skirt, gifted to me, similar here, brown OTK boots, Shop Girl Consignment, Kate Spade New York handbag, gifted to me, bronze earrings, Kohl’s, floral statement necklace, gifted to me, brown metallic watch, Ross

Let’s talk about this skirt, though. Zebra print. So cute! Loving the zebra print fad. I paired it with a chocolate brown blazer I got at Ross a few years ago, chocolate brown OTK boots I found at a consignment shop in Gresham last fall, bronze jewelry and a bright pink Kate Spade handbag gifted to me a couple of years ago, which adds a nice pop of color as well.

As always, thank you for stopping by and thank you for any prayers for my mom.

*This post contains affiliate links. If you click through on them, I may receive a small drop of money, at no extra cost to you. Enough to keep a light bulb burning in my home. Thank you in advance for helping keep a light on in my home!

Shop similar styles below:

Click on any image to shop the item directly! 

~ All photos were taken by Calvin Hodgson.  You can find his work on Flickr and on his blog.

Please follow and like: