The thing about hope…

I’ve been trying to pick my word for the year since the new year started. I was leaning towards the word hope.

Rose in bloom

So I prayed about it, and still don’t have a word. Instead, I keep feeling like God is telling me to put Him first. Whoa. Am I not doing that? Hmmm. Maybe if I really think about it, He’s there in my life, but not always first.

Budding rose

The reason I’m feeling hope is because my doctor prescribed me a new medication – Amitryiptyline – that seems to be knocking the sciatic nerve pain down to a 4 / 5 level on a pain scale of 1 – 10. Making it easier to get through and be closer to being okay as I skate through a flare up of pain. But should I really be putting my hope in a medication? And how many times have we put our hope in medication for my moms cancer and had that hoped knocked right out from under us because the medication wasn’t working? We’ve been told the medication will fail at some point. No hope found there.

Yellow roseEarlier this week, a wantok from PNG lost her 17 year old daughter in a car accident. I was getting my thoughts together to write about my word choice – Hope – when I heard the news. Where is the hope in that situation? I couldn’t find it. I didn’t write my post. The hope was just knocked out of me. But then I started thinking about my friends words that she wrote in her post on Facebook about the accident. Her daughter had just rededicated her life to the Lord two weeks earlier. She knew she was in heaven and she’d see her again some day. Wow.

Fall finery

I have hope that maybe this medication is working and I can wean myself off it and be okay again without it someday. But I don’t know that. If I look at the world around me, there is no hope.

Red leaves

The thing about hope is this: Hope is a fragile thing. It can be crushed, broken or dissipate into thin air in a heartbeat. If you put your hope in the things of this world, you have nothing. But, if you put God first and put your hope in Him, you have peace everlasting.

White rose

So, as we head into the new year, it’s a good thing to have hope for the future, but it’s a much better thing to remember Who to place your hope in in the first place. If we listen to Him telling us to put Him first, then it doesn’t matter if we have a word or resolution to face the new year with. My hope is in Him.

Pink and white rose

This is the year that I put God first in my life. I will declare that right now. Because maybe He’s there, just waiting to be put front and center.

Orange flower

For anyone reading this, I challenge you to stop and think. Is He first in your life, or is He just there, in case you need Him and feel like talking to Him if you have a moment?

Red maple leaf

To my susa lewa who lost her daughter this week: my heart breaks when your heart breaks. You are in the thoughts and prayers of many wantoks this week.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1


Pidgin English Words:

*Susa = Sister

*Lewa = Person of my heart, my heart craves / longs for you.

*wantok = A close comrade: a person with whom one has a strong social bond, usually based on shared language or place.

Welcome spring!

The first day of spring was sunny and warm, the second day, not so much. But I’m still excited for spring because it means we will be getting more nice warm days rather than cold ones, and the flowers are blooming, the ducks are wandering through my yard – not sure why – but still, birds are migrating back north and pretty flowers are out, so it’s all good.

It’s been a busy start this week with back to back background acting work the first couple of days of the week. So much fun to get back in the swing of things with my extra friends again. Not so much fun to have my cyst / lower back acting up just from standing around on a set all day without being able to sit much for 9 hours. Which meant the next day I was still dealing with the lower back pain and running on less than two hours of sleep. Oddly enough, after a couple of small cat naps in the morning before going on set, I was fine the whole rest of the day running on very little sleep. Sometimes I think sleep deprivation just hits later than you think it will.

I’ve been to a neurologist last week who said he couldn’t help me with the cyst. He doesn’t think it’s causing my problems and I just need more time to heal. Uh-huh. I walked out of that neurologist office last week and was crying before I even got out of the building. I’d been hoping he could help and that hope was dashed. I don’t necessarily want surgery, but I want a solution to whatever is causing the pain to flare up in my lower back. So here I am this week having more problems with pain flare-ups near the base of my spine all due to standing too long on set one day. I may need a second opinion on this. A doctor willing to find a solution. Something to give me hope…

But in the meantime, welcome spring. Goodbye winter! Even if it’s supposed to get a bit colder the end of this week. There’s just something about spring that brings new hope and renewing of the spirit and mind, no matter what is going on in your life. Sometimes winter hangs on for a little bit longer, but warmer and better days are coming. I just know it!




Two little ducks went out one day...


Orange/yellow wildflowers


Grape hyacinth


Mr. Duck


Yellow daffodils



If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. ~ Anne Bradstreet

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant. ~ Anne Bradstreet


So, happy spring, my lovelies! (To my friends in the southern hemisphere, happy fall. And sorry to burst your bubble, but winter is coming for you guys. Haha.)



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